Just Get Going!

It’s graduation season again, a time when we congratulate the high school and college grads in our lives and send them on their way to whatever future awaits. The occasion seems to call for advice-giving, which can be a tricky thing. After all, it assumes that we adults are qualified to tell younger people what they should be doing with their lives, when really, aren’t an awful lot of us still trying to figure that out for ourselves?

Still, some of the advice I’ve run across over the years does ring true to me, and I wouldn’t hesitate to pass it on to today’s graduates. One of my favorite bits is from the exceptionally wise and wonderful Dr. Seuss:

You have brains in your head.

You have feet in your shoes.
You can steer yourself any direction you choose.
You’re on your own
And you know what you know.
You are the guy who’ll decide where to go.

~Oh, the Places You’ll Go!

For some people, though, being the master of your own destiny seems more terrifying than thrilling. How do you choose when there is so much to choose from? How do you know what you will want to be doing a few years from now? A few decades from now? What is the magic “thing” you are meant to spend your life doing?

Some young adults I know seem almost paralyzed by these questions. If they pick one thing, they can’t pick another, and that means they might miss out on something. They’re afraid of choosing the wrong path, afraid of dooming themselves to be unhappy or unfulfilled, afraid of having regrets about their choice.

So how do you know what you want

Til you get what you want,

And you see if you like it?
All I know is, what I want most of all
Is to know what I want.

~Stephen Sondheim, Into the Woods

To those people I would say (and have said, as certain members of my family will attest): “It doesn’t matter that much what you decide to do now—just make your best guess and get going!” I strongly believe that standing in one spot worrying about the next step is exactly the wrong thing to do.

Stop worrying where you're going—move on!

If you can know where you're going, you've gone.

Just keep moving on.

~Stephen Sondheim, Sunday in the Park with George

I guess I’m not sure there is a magic thing for everyone. I’ve found that it’s the rare person who grew up knowing exactly what he or she wanted to do, then went on to be happily content doing that. Most people I know started on a certain path but found that it led them to unexpected places. Their journey wasn’t all mapped out—it’s more that they made a series of choices that led them in a direction they couldn’t have predicted.

I’m certainly one of those people. An avid reader and diligent student, I went to college with the vague notion of becoming a teacher. Then a guidance counselor (whose name I can’t recall, luckily for him!) told me to steer clear of teaching, as there was an overabundance of teachers, jobs were scarce and pay was low. He suggested I simply earn an English degree and then figure out my direction later. Being too naïve to realize that this was probably just a ploy to get me to shell out money for grad school, I shrugged and said, “Okay.” Then fresh out of college, English degree in hand, new husband by my side, I looked around and thought, "Hmmm, now what do I do?”

By sheer chance I ended up taking a job as an administrative assistant for an agency that served families during their childbearing years. I worked with nurses and other professionals who really cared about the health and well-being of parents and their kids. It was a very nurturing atmosphere in which to start my own family, and I know that the things I learned there made me a better parent than I might have been. I also learned to be organized and prepared. I learned to trouble-shoot and problem-solve. I took my first computer training classes there and produced the agency’s first newsletter.

The point is that I never planned to have that kind of job—I intended to stay for only a short time. But it didn't take me long to realize that I had stumbled onto the perfect situation. I could fulfill my need for meaningful work of my own while still being a very hands-on mom. After the kids were born I worked part-time, leaving every day at 3:00 PM so I could pick them up at school. On my days off I was their classroom aide, library assistant, reading helper, room mother. The job I hadn't known I wanted turned out to be a perfect fit.

As a wonderful, unpredictable bonus, the woman who hired and mentored me (also named Carol, which led to much confusion and amusement over the years) has been the kind of lifelong friend most people only dream of having. We ended up living next door to each other for a while. Our families grew up together; our lives and memories are forever entwined. Knowing them has been, and continues to be, a rich blessing.

So here I am, many years post-graduate, with good friends, a healthy family, work I love, and success as a published children’s writer. But it didn’t happen from any one big decision about what I would be or what I would do. I just kept going, making new choices every time my path turned and adjusting my plans whenever they no longer seemed to fit.

We cannot direct the wind, but we can adjust the sails.

~Author Unknown

So to my nephew Justin and all the other new graduates out there I would say only this: get going! Things evolve. Trust that there is something wonderful out there waiting for you. And remember that everything you learn along the way goes with you, so try really hard at whatever you find yourself doing in the meantime.

Excellence is not a skill. It is an attitude. ~Ralph Marston

And at the risk of once again “ending with someone else’s words” (ahem), here’s a final favorite quote to help you when you can’t quite figure things out. It's a never-fail method, I promise:

If at first you don't succeed, do it like your mother told you.

~Author Unknown